You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
