he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
