I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
