Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Bring me that man meat
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
