I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
