So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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