You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
