Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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