i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
