So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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