Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
