I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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