So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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