dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
