As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
