No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
