For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
