I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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