we're chasing vodka with high fives
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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