please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
