Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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