the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
should my penis look like a turkey
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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