Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Pooping to opera.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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