dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
