you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
