Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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