Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dignity is for republicans.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
