Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
