She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
