It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
