You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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