I smell stomach acid.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
