You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
