Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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