She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize