don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
