a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
