I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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