I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
