butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
