hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
