so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
