im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
