finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
