If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
