apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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