It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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