he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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