peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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