If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
