I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
