He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
