He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
