it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we're making bets on your personal life
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
