Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
