I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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