I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
