sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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