I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
