Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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