He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
