pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
